Warning Signs

Grooming can take place online as well as in person and predators are great at masking themselves, which is why it’s so important to be aware and recognize the grooming behaviors - especially if you have children, as they are most at risk and less likely to recognize these warning signs - so you can more easily identify them. Grooming is typically done by those closest to or who have frequent interactions with the victim, such as family, family friends, teachers, coaches, and youth leaders.

Though it can vary, grooming will typically occur in the following pattern:

𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐏 𝟏: 𝐓𝐚𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠
Picking someone who they may have some authority over, who may respect them, or who may have some insecurities or problems going on. The predator may test their receptiveness to secrecy and reliability by breaking a small rule or boundary and seeing how the victim responds, or they may just begin to be present and kind to the victim.

𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐏 𝟐: 𝐁𝐮𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐓𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐭 & 𝐅𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩
Making the victim feel special by giving them small gifts, sending them simple kind messages, spending more time with them, encouraging deeper conversations and stories, increasing interactions, establishing basic meanings for private meetings, and beginning to bargain and add pressure to the victim. The predator will often use these actions on family and friends to make the following steps easier to enact.

𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐏 𝟑: 𝐃𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐥𝐨𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐈𝐬𝐨𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧, 𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐥, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐋𝐨𝐲𝐚𝐥𝐭𝐲
Demeaning people the victim may trust, discouraging the access to support from loved ones, encouraging doubt and fragility and the need for their attention, continuing to check commitment to secrecy and loyalty.

𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐏 𝟒: 𝐈𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐨𝐟 𝐒𝐞𝐱𝐮𝐚𝐥 𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐜𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐒𝐞𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐒𝐞𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐲
Gradual incursion into physical boundaries, starting with "accidental" touches to hugs, to holding hands and statements like "I like you" and "you're special", to inappropriate touching and withdrawing "I'm sorry, it was an accident. I apologize.", and finally closing their trap with a "you didn't mind last time" statement. This helps to desensitize the victim to their touch as they increase the sexual contact and introduce them into sexual topics, while also creating a sense of secrecy and fear in telling others. Abusers can also show the victim pornography or discuss sexual topics with them, to introduce the idea of sexual contact.
In this step, the predator may:
🔹Invoke cooperation for being nice or giving special treatment.
🔹Invoke guilt to make the victim think it's their fault.
🔹Offer protection & secrecy.
🔹Discrediting the victim to maintain secrecy. "Others won't understand" "No one will believe you"
🔹Threatening the victim and their loved ones to maintain secrecy.

This is “grooming” and it is never the victim’s fault or something they should feel ashamed of. Abusers typically appear normal and don’t raise much suspicion, if any. They also use many tactics in targeting their victims, making it even harder to recognize an abuser. For teens, who may struggle further due to possible closeness in age, it’s important to educate them in these grooming behaviors and also be alert yourself of signs that they may have a relationship that could be crossing boundaries or includes these behaviors.

Our law firm is dedicated to helping sexual assault victims speak out for justice against their predators. If you or a loved one have been a victim of sexual assault, please contact The DeFeo Law Firm to discuss your options. You can also visit https://www.rainn.org (a trusted organization, whom we sourced these stats and various info on our website from) to learn more on sexual assault, grooming behaviors, statistics, and more.

All images sourced from: RAINN https://www.rainn.org